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Re:Zero · S01E18
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Synced lyrics
mou nayanda nda kangaeta nda kurushinda nda
I agonized over it! I thought about it! I suffered!
Already agonized, already thought about it, already suffered.
The repetition of んだ (nda) at the end of each verb is a strong emphatic pattern in Japanese, expressing that Subaru is forcefully explaining his emotional state, insisting the listener acknowledge his pain.
dakara akirameta nda
That's why I gave up.
That's why, gave up.
だから (dakara - 'that's why') is used here as a logical conclusion to the suffering described in the previous line, showing Subaru's desperate reasoning.
akirameru no wa kantan demo
Giving up is easy. But...
The act of giving up is easy, but...
This is Rem's voice cutting in. のは (no wa) nominalizes the verb 諦める, making 'giving up' itself the topic of the sentence — a common elegant Japanese grammatical move.
kusso kieru na
Damn it, don't disappear!
Crap! Disappear-don't!
くっそ is a vulgar but common expression, the emphatic form of くそ (kuso - 'crap'). The な at the end of a verb is a prohibition command — 消えるな means 'don't disappear!' This shows Subaru's desperate emotional state.
akirameru no ga kantanna wake nee daro ga
There's no way giving up is easy, right?!
Giving up — easy? No such reason exists, obviously!
わけねぇ is a contraction of わけがない ('there's no way'), a strong denial. だろが (from だろう + が) is rough masculine speech adding confrontational force. This is one of the most emotionally charged lines.
ore ga nani mo shinai de nannimo kangaenai de
Without doing anything, without thinking about anything...
I, doing nothing, thinking about nothing at all...
ないで (naide) connects actions to express doing something while not doing another. The rough masculine 俺 (ore) vs. the polite 私 (watashi) shows Subaru's emotional rawness.
bassari zenbu kirisutete assari to nani mo kamo nagesutete
Completely cutting everything off and simply throwing it all away...
Cleanly, everything, cutting off and discarding; easily, everything and anything, throwing away...
バッサリ and アッサリ are onomatopoeic adverbs: バッサリ mimics a clean slash, アッサリ suggests lightness and ease. Both emphasize how carelessly Subaru is accused of abandoning his responsibilities.
sorede akirameteru ndatte omae wa sou omou no ka
Is that what you think — that I just gave up like that?!
And so — is giving up what you think I'm doing? Do you think that, you?
お前 (omae) is a blunt, rough way to say 'you' — used between close males or in confrontational moments. Using it here expresses Subaru's anger. のか at the end makes it a rhetorical accusatory question.
akirameru no datte kantan nanka ja nakatta
Even giving up wasn't easy at all!
Even the act of giving up wasn't even a little easy!
なんか (nanka) is a colloquial particle that downplays or dismisses something — here used in a negative sentence 「簡単なんかじゃなかった」meaning 'it was absolutely not easy.' This is the core of Subaru's emotional confession.
tatakao tte dou ni ka shite yarou tte sou omou hou ga zutto raku datta
Thinking 'I'll fight' or 'I'll make it work somehow' — that was far easier!
The thought of 'let's fight', the thought of 'let's somehow manage' — thinking that way was far more comfortable.
The って (tte) after volitional verb forms (戦おう, やろう) quotes internal thoughts or speech. 方が (hou ga) is used for comparisons — 'thinking that way is more X.' This reveals the paradox: giving up was actually harder than fighting.
dakedo dou ni mo naranai ndayo michi ga doko ni mo nai
But there's nothing I can do! There's no path anywhere!
But there's nothing to be done, I tell you. The path doesn't exist anywhere.
どうにもならない is an important idiom: どう (how) + にも (even if) + ならない (can't become) = 'cannot be helped at all.' んだよ adds exasperated explanation, common in frustrated male speech.
Subaru-kun wa tochuude nanika wo akirameru nante dekinai hito datte
Subaru-kun is someone who can't give up on anything partway through.
Subaru-kun is a person who cannot give up something midway — that's what (I know).
This is Rem speaking. The ~くん (-kun) suffix used by a woman on a man's name suggests endearment and social familiarity. なんて expresses disbelief or dismissal of the idea. Rem is refusing to accept the image of Subaru as someone who gives up.
ore no nani ga omae ni wakaru tte iunda
What do you know about me?! What gives you the right to say you know me?!
My what — what about me — to you — can understand — can you say that?!
This is the emotional confrontation peak. っていうんだ (tte iunda) is used to challenge someone's right to say something. The fragmented structure (repeated 俺の何が and お前に) mirrors Subaru's frantic, scattered emotional state.
ore wa kono teido no otoko nanda yo
This is the kind of man I am!
I am a man of only this level, I tell you.
この程度 (kono teido) means 'this extent/level' and is used self-deprecatingly here. 男 (otoko - man) carries weight in Japanese culture; calling yourself 'this level of man' is a deep admission of inadequacy.
chikara nante nai noni nozomi wa takakute chie mo nai kuse ni yume bakari mitete
I have no strength at all, yet my dreams are so high — I have no wisdom either, but I keep dreaming...
Even though I have no power at all, my hopes are high; even though I have no wisdom, I only dream...
のに is a contrast particle expressing frustrated disappointment: 'even though X, Y still happens.' くせに is harsher than のに, adding judgment or reproach. Together they stack self-reproach: Subaru is calling himself delusional.
ore wa ore ga daikirai da yo
I really hate myself!
I, myself — I really hate!
大嫌い (daikirai) is the intensified form of 嫌い (kirai - dislike), the 大 prefix meaning 'greatly.' The doubled first-person (俺は…俺が) creates an emphatic, almost desperate self-reference. This is the emotional climax repeated at the end of Subaru's full breakdown.
karappo da ore no nakami wa sukasuka da
I'm empty. My insides are completely hollow.
It's empty! My insides are hollow/porous.
空っぽ (karappo) means 'empty/hollow' and is a compound of 空 (kara - empty) + ぽ (mimetic suffix). スカスカ is onomatopoeic for something porous or hollow. Together they paint Subaru as a person with no real substance — devastating self-description.
nani mo shite konakatta
I hadn't done anything.
Nothing, I had not done until now.
してこなかった is the te-form of する (to do) + こなかった (hadn't come/hadn't done up until now). The こ (ko) in this pattern marks the action as something that should have built up over time but didn't — emphasizing regret about the past.
are dake jikan ga atte are dake jiyuu ga atte nandatte dekita hazu na noni
With all that time, all that freedom — I should have been able to do anything...
Having had that much time, having had that much freedom, there should have been anything I could do, and yet...
はず (hazu) expresses 'should have / was supposed to.' はずなのに adds a frustrated のに (even though), creating 'I should have been able to, yet...' This is Subaru confronting his wasted potential — a major theme of the scene.
hontou wa wakatteta sa zenbu ore ga warui ndatte
The truth is, I always knew. That it's all my fault.
The truth is, I knew all along, you see — that everything, I am to blame.
本当は (hontou wa - 'the truth is') introduces a confession of something hidden. The さ (sa) particle here signals soft acknowledgement, almost talking to himself. This moment of self-awareness — '全部俺が悪い' — is the core of the scene's catharsis.